Whether it be the economy, a desire to protect children, or simply the old adage that “The devil you know is better than the one you don’t,” more New York City couples are discontinuing their divorces and exploring reconciliation.
Following Stephanie Seymour’s reconciliation with her husband, I was interviewed in the New York Post, with several other divorce experts, in an article which tried to explain the reasons why couples file for divorce, then reverse course and attempt to save their marriage. While there was no consensus as to the reasons why couples get back together, there was general agreement that litigation laced with vitriol diminishes the odds of a successful reconciliation.
The five tips offered in order to have a successful reconciliation instead of a divorce are:
1. Go to therapy, ideally to a husband-and-wife therapist team.
2. Think of what it is that attracted you to one another in the first place — and see if you can bring that back.
3. Ex-sex is great, but not necessarily a deal sealer.
4. Get clarity on what your motivations are and whether you are in line with the desires of your spouse. If you’re not on the same page — emotionally or financially — there can be a lot of challenges.
5. When in doubt, try to negotiate a divorce rather than litigate it, as couples are more likely to salvage a marriage when they avoid a courtroom. When you start calling each other names and accusing each other of marital fault or of being wasteful, deceptive and cheap, it’s almost impossible to turn the other cheek and save the marriage.