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DivorceProperty DivisionWar of the Roses, redux

June 29, 2006

 While there is not a lot of levity in divorce, perhaps this tale of a husband and wife involved in a bitter divorce for possession of the marital home could be instructive. The Husband may have won a battle ( or so he thought); he certainly lost the war.   The story, if not useful, is, at least,  humorous.

 She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates,
 and suitcases.
 On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful
 dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and
 feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of
 When she had finished, she went into each and every room and stuffed
 half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of all of the
 curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
 When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for
 the first few days. Then, slowly, the house began to smell. They
 tried everything: cleaning, mopping, and airing the place out. Vents
 were checked for dead rodents, carpets were steam cleaned, and air
 fresheners were hung everywhere!
 Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which
 they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to
 replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked. People stopped
 coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid
 quit. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to
 A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they
 could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and,
 eventually, even the local realtors refused to return their calls.
 Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to
 purchase a new place.
The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He
 told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said
 hat she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce
her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back. Knowing
 his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that
 was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were
 to sign the papers that very day.
 She agreed, and, within the hour, his lawyers delivered the paperwork. A
 week later, the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the
 moving company pack everything to take to their new home, including the
 curtain rods.


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